I’m putting on weight. I’ve been in denial about this for some time but I’m now hoping that a public admission will force me to do something about it. My reference point is my best pair of jeans. At least, they were my best pair of jeans when I could still fasten the button. Even then, they were tight to the point of being painfully uncomfortable but my warped logic maintained that if I could do the button up then I was still officially a 32 inch waist.
I can no longer do up the button, largely because the button is no longer there. I sat down recently and it pinged off, comedy style, ricocheting around the room until it came to rest on the carpet and said ‘Mister – you fat.’
I know what’s to blame. When I moved to my current abode I had to start driving to work, which deprived me of two miles of walking per day. That was the only exercise I used to get. I have therefore embarked upon a new ritual of nightly sit-ups, adding five to the total each time. It may not get rid of the flab, but it might make it a little more toned. A little easier to hold in.
My other plan is to hide the peanut jar, from which I gorge on a far too regular basis. As yet, though, I haven’t figured out how one hides something from oneself. 'Aha, the peanuts have gone! Fat be damned!' No, they’re in the cupboard you idiot. At least the act of opening the cupboard door would be a little more exercise I suppose.
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3 comments:
graham, i feel your pain (why not loosen your belt a notch?) and sympathise. for the past few months, i've been wearing two pairs of trews at a time, with a kaftan to cover up the discoverables...
while hiding the peanut jar is all very well, it's the peanuts that get (~gut?) you, not the jar, you nut.
however, if you got a commute to do ,now that the 'summer' (it's the UK, i know...) is coming, why not get on your bike, so to speak?
one final question too, if you'll permit, were your jeans diesel branded by any chance? and, if not, why the illinois ghetto talk??
I haven't owned or used a bicycle for about 16 years. I could be the first person in history who has forgotten how to ride one.
As for the ghetto talk, get with the program old man! It's what all the kids sound like now.
graham, they still sell stabilisers i think.
however, i may be so out of touch wiv da youf that they're all gliding around on hoverboards like that nice Michael J. Fox, for all i know...
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