I was stopped for directions the other day. This is quite a common event when I’m out wandering aimlessly in my lunch hour. I obviously look like someone who knows the area – a man of honour who can direct a forlorn traveller with authority and precision. So I politely gave the driver very clear instructions on how to reach their desired location, smiled, and waved them on their merry journey. And then, as usual, I realised that I’d sent them completely the wrong way. I do this so often that I don’t even feel guilty about it anymore. I prefer to think that it was their fault for asking me in the first place. My success rate is probably no higher than 10 per cent. I’m terrible.
I think I just have a slow brain. The information is there, it just prefers to take the scenic route to my consciousness. This may also explain why I always think of brilliant witty comments ten minutes after any given conversation has ended. My head is a graveyard for badly timed ripostes.
I did a timed IQ test once and scored less than a hundred. Under pressure my brain just doesn’t work at all, which is a bit worrying. What if I’m ever in the situation of having to think clearly after an accident or something? I’d probably do something incredibly stupid and endanger the lives of all around me. In a crisis, I am not your man. Be warned.
In an hour’s time, when I think of a really clever and humorous way to conclude this post, I’ll kick myself.
2 comments:
as long as your directions are not so bad that, after 10 minutes of driving around, the recipients of your knowledge don't pass you again, going the other way, and want to stop and talk about it, you should be fine...
nice of you to help in any case.
re the satellite delay, that may then explain why your pithy pearls of wisdom which decorate the comments of many a blog out there are always somewhat slow in coming. however, IMHO, the wait is always worth it and only adds to your gravitas as a man of honour, etc.
re the IQ result, let's just hope you're the victim of an (ultimately completely innocuous albeit somewhat embarrassing) accident rather than the would-be, quick-thinking knght in shining whatever who rides to the rescue...
then, maybe, those unlucky souls to whom you can the unreliable directions earlier will drive past again and can give you a hand in return...
Oh, I've had them come back in the other direction many a time. I usually dive behind the nearest parked car or just try my hardest to look like someone else by adopting a contrary disposition.
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